Haha guys stop being silly it's not even legal

This must be the best week of your life if you’re 5 years old and into dinosaurs. I’m almost 30 and I’ve been rearranging everything to stick on another hour of Morgan Freeman narrating some clueless herbivore getting torn limb from limb. An absolute masterclass in dino documentary making from, unsurprisingly, the maker of Jurassic Park

I remember my Dad saying to me in 2010 to watch as many Barcelona games and as much of Messi as I possibly could for these years, because we'll look back and wish we were there for every minute of him on a football pitch. 15 years on, after catching as many of the Sunday evening 4/5/6-0 trouncings of unfortunate Spanish clubs as I could, and too much money on obscure Spanish broadcasting subscriptions, I'm extremely thankful for that pointer 😂 You just sort of knew you'd never see anyone kicking a football at this level again in your lifetime 🐐

Nvm figured it out

Had a pretty surreal Sunday in a 4x4m space with Michael McIntyre and Gary Lineker. Producers did an unbelievably good job of making us think the match was won by Spurs. First NLD I’ve missed since gaining consciousness, and I’ll not be setting up camp in here every Saturday…but this moment of the scoreline reveal was pretty priceless 😂 Also a reminder this got broadcast only on YouTube, where you can watch it for free, but you can choose not to!

‘They have to win’ is just an inherently funny agenda to push at a team without their best 2 players, away at the champions

As someone who lived through a lucky 22 game unbeaten run under the same manager then watched Watford take 31 shots against us, I'd advise against results-based football analysis

Totally misunderstood the assignment. @petercrouch has gone and improved his own goal, failed miserably to recreate it

Now Ginge is king he can make people Sirs and Dames by laying a sword on their shoulders and shouting ‘YAKNIGHTED!’

Even easier for my editors after I clipped any close up shots of him in those trousers already for personal use

Hey @grok, what has just been uploaded on the Chris Dixon YouTube channel that will enrich the evenings of all who set eyes upon it

Titles are won with a bit of luck and I believe we may have used all ours up on Gabriel not getting sent off for a stone wall red card. Thought we were actually quite good? and easily could have got a draw. Having Odegaard made a big difference to recent games, and Havertz was good if you ignore the fact he probably just lost us the league with that header. I’m off for a cry

3 hours into cooking chicken on the bbq