Haha guys stop being silly it's not even legal

This must be the best week of your life if you’re 5 years old and into dinosaurs. I’m almost 30 and I’ve been rearranging everything to stick on another hour of Morgan Freeman narrating some clueless herbivore getting torn limb from limb. An absolute masterclass in dino documentary making from, unsurprisingly, the maker of Jurassic Park

I remember my Dad saying to me in 2010 to watch as many Barcelona games and as much of Messi as I possibly could for these years, because we'll look back and wish we were there for every minute of him on a football pitch. 15 years on, after catching as many of the Sunday evening 4/5/6-0 trouncings of unfortunate Spanish clubs as I could, and too much money on obscure Spanish broadcasting subscriptions, I'm extremely thankful for that pointer 😂 You just sort of knew you'd never see anyone kicking a football at this level again in your lifetime 🐐

Nvm figured it out

Had a pretty surreal Sunday in a 4x4m space with Michael McIntyre and Gary Lineker. Producers did an unbelievably good job of making us think the match was won by Spurs. First NLD I’ve missed since gaining consciousness, and I’ll not be setting up camp in here every Saturday…but this moment of the scoreline reveal was pretty priceless 😂 Also a reminder this got broadcast only on YouTube, where you can watch it for free, but you can choose not to!

‘They have to win’ is just an inherently funny agenda to push at a team without their best 2 players, away at the champions

As someone who lived through a lucky 22 game unbeaten run under the same manager then watched Watford take 31 shots against us, I'd advise against results-based football analysis

Disappointing night but PSG deserved it. Realistically we’ve had a world class defence but not enough up front all season. It’s a big summer. Anyone anti-Arteta is a clown. Never forget the 31 shots Watford took. Never forget.

Totally misunderstood the assignment. @petercrouch has gone and improved his own goal, failed miserably to recreate it

WELCOME KYLIAN MBAPPÉ TO THE JAKUB KIWIOR PENITENTIARY

Now Ginge is king he can make people Sirs and Dames by laying a sword on their shoulders and shouting ‘YAKNIGHTED!’

Just been mate redundant

Even easier for my editors after I clipped any close up shots of him in those trousers already for personal use