Absolutely destroying my gf’s Spotify wrapped while she’s in the shower every morning

One time my family cancelled my bday dinner because the biggest loser finale was on so I already hated that show actually

Google maps trying to get you out of a parking lot has the same energy as a wasp trying to get out of my house

Everything is so awful now can we just start having a chocolate advent calendar for every month?

A dodge charger is a female truck that’s how they breed

Would love to see a win from the Avs over the Canucks tonight let’s go boys!

Let’s go mammoth!

[Me trying to dirty talk in bed with a Spanish girl but I’ve only been doing DuoLingo for 3 weeks] mi hermano tiene una chaqueta roja

You’re asking me not to vape in this Holiday Inn hotel room? During this? The fall of the western empire?

Would love to see the kings beat the canucks tonight

Let’s goooooo (to an AA meeting)

Hell yeah nice

Nice hell yeah

Nice hell yeah

@abr8185 @sisuvanhell There’s 8 punchlines in this bit, Chris. Maybe this just isn’t for you ♥️

@mjp462 Wow amazing! Congrats dude!

@WitcherHH @AmiriKing But he would have done it good tho