When I was a kid, I was on Supernanny. I was so naughty, Jo Frost called me a cunt, pulled down my underpants, and slapped my bare arse. She immediately apologised, but said I left her no choice. The episode never aired, and production paid for a trip to Spain. Thing is, I was never naughty again.

Here’s a prank for anyone who does prank vids: go to the supermarket checkout with one item and insist everyone go ahead of you, no matter how many items they’ve got. Nah actually, sounds shit, fuck it. Fucks sake man, what’s wrong with me.

Never understood how a toilet could come off its hinges. Who are these people who are bucking while having a shit.

Imagine if aliens came and we found out we were the only planet in the universe shitting and pissing. Would be so fucking embarrassing

Normalise eating off other people’s plates if you finish before them

So annoying getting a parcel delivery while you’re in the shower and you have to tuck your cock and bollocks between your legs while he takes the photo so he doesn’t see anything

Sketch by @mrSamOLeary & I

Don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone having fun on a walking tour. Always 14 people stood about doing this 😕